Driver: Love and Hate

VOETSEK GP / VOETSEKGP

2008-02-22T14:03:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I didn’t do anything wrong this morning. I stopped patiently behind taxi’s picking up their morning stragglers, waited for pedestrians, slowed down at the amber, didn’t pull fingers. I just drank my coffee and politely read the paper (what? You’re not meant to do that behind the wheel?) Well that’s beside the point anyway. This guy just drove past me, he doesn’t even know me, how could he say that to me? It just totally ruined my day. (black Mercedes Benz) -- Pen

J M R GP / JMRGP

2008-02-22T13:59:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I have no idea what this plate means. It could mean Jack My Radio or perhaps Just My Ride. I have no frigging idea but I will tell you this. All I could hear over the high pitched screams of envy emanating from my lips was the soft purring of that engine, with 412KW and dreaming of the 322km/h top speed. It truly is a gorgeous car. Back to the plate though, perhaps it’s Jeffrey Maximillion Rupert or something. But just to mock it (all P.Plates deserve to be mocked, even this posh ones from great Britain and what what) I say JMR means – Jou Ma’se Renault. (silver Bentley Continental GT) -- Pen

SMS ME 1 GP / SMSME1GP

2008-02-22T13:57:00.002+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I saw this plate, I whipped out my phone, opened up the SMS function and wrote – “hello”. But then I had no idea what number to type so I thought about it and realised how stupid I was! It was there all along. You’re meant to SMS a message to 1. So I typed that in and my phone said there was an error. So either my Samsung is the world’s stupidest phone or that is the dumbest number plate in JHB. I’m going with the plate thing. (silver Hyundai Getz) -- Pen

SCAFMAN GP / SCAFMANGP

2008-02-22T13:56:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Bee ba bo bado bo, Bee ba bo bado bo…I’m the scafman!!! Yeah! Ok this was pretty funny, I really enjoyed it the most. This guy actually had scaffolding on the back of his cab and that means he has a sense of humour, which I enjoy. If he decided it would be a good idea to get a personalized plate about it then I say, “good chap!” (And I normally don’t applaud P.Plates, so that’s saying a lot) (green bakkie) -- Pen

TOPTOTS ZN / TOPTOTSZN

2008-02-15T17:21:00.003+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) It's amazing how the sweet things in life can really make people competitive. For example, between Smarties and Jelly Tots, I'd have to say that Smarties win, hands down. Some people disagree, and they're welcome to their silly opinions. But to go and show your support for a particular brand on a personalised plate is crazy. You can tell me TOTS are TOP, but it's useless. It will always be the chocolate goodness of Smarties that comes out on top of your so-called TOPTOTS!

BEARDIE ZN / BEARDIEZN

2008-02-15T16:57:00.003+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) You know sometimes you see a lady has closed their door prematurely thereby trapping their dress in the door to flap about wildly? Well, I thought this was the case with this grey Totoya Corolla Verso. Imagine my surprise when on closer inspection I see that the item sticking out of the door isn't a piece of fabric, but hair! Your personalised plate of BEARDIE is quite apt!

YARDI WP / YARDIWP

2008-02-15T16:31:00.004+02:00

(Cape Town, South Africa) I know varsity is hard. Clearly, its not as hard for you (driving your little Mini Cooper S). But still, you've got to study and party ALL THE TIME. But when you've finished and done your hard YARDIs... wait, that's not going to work. You can't substitute YARDI for yard. Likewise, you can't substitute a personalised plate for good taste. Just keep studying. -- Kayla

RED HOTT ZN / REDHOTTZN

2008-02-14T16:51:00.002+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Wow, you've really done well for yourself! I mean you drive a red Audi with a personalised plate and have made a success of yourself, even in spite of your sttu-sttu-sttu-stutter-ter. But why RED HOTT with two 'T's? Are you very English and have to have mid-morning 'T' as well has high 'T'? Do you still tip your hat to strangers and address all ladies as ma'am? Specifically, how many pieces do you slice your cucumber sandwiches into? -- Julie

ROCKSET ZN / ROCKSETZN

2008-02-14T16:37:00.005+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Sometimes, when you're feeling confident you need to jump into your teal Volkswagen CitiGolf and just get dressed for success you know? Then when you realise it must've been love but it's over now, to get your mind off of the situation, just go and jump right back into ROCKSET and enjoy the joyride. Marie and Per must be turning in their pop graves. -- Julie

TEEZ 1 ZN / TEEZ1ZN

2008-02-14T16:30:00.003+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Do you see the champagne / gold car in the left hand side of the picture? Yes? Well it's personalised plate is TEEZ 1. I know you're can't see it very clearly in the picture. But that's the point. I'm trying to TEEZ you too. But I can see by the look on your face that, just like a Benoni poppie who's platinum blonde hair is in a frizz, you can't be TEEZed anymore. (gold Toyota Corolla) -- Julie

MAINIAC ZN / MAINIACZN

2008-02-13T22:36:00.004+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) First the spelling lesson. To correctly spell your intended word, you should remove the 'I'. No, not that one. Like this. MANIAC. Unless you're just trying to give drivers of Volkswagen Golf 5s a bad reputation. The second possibility is that you're the chairman of the IAC federation, causing you to be the MAIN IAC. I'm not too sure what you do at this federation, but I have sneaky twinkling that is has something to do with plaid, noble gases and all English words prefixed with 'ig'. MAINIAC! -- Julie

TWEETY M ZN / TWEETYMZN

2008-02-13T22:32:00.002+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) No no no, please! This is all wrong. Just because you drive a canary yellow Hyundai Atos, does not mean you need to name it after a cartoon character. You don't see people with fur on their dashboards branding their vehicle as WOOKIE do you? -- Julie

PHATJAM ZN / PHATJAMZN

2008-02-13T22:28:00.002+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) What do you feed a PHATCAT? The answer probably isn't PHATJAM. But I've heard that PHATBLACKCAT peanut butter and PHATJAM make quite a good PHATSANDWICH. In an era of making spelling easier, it still makes me laugh that people are actually putting in extra letters to previously simple words. It's phrigging hilarioujs. Yes, that is a silent 'J'. (black Seat Ibiza) -- Julie

4TUNATE ZN / 4TUNATEZN

2008-02-13T22:20:00.003+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) You may think you're 4TUNATE because you drive a silver Mercedes Benz. I think I'm 4TUNATE because I don't own a personalised plate. What about thinking about someone else? How about selling your 4TUNATE plate and giving the money to a charity? You'll be making someone else happy, as well as making the driving landscape look less silly. By the way, I think 4TUN8 would've been cleverer. Less fishy. And to go one step further, 42N8 would've been outstanding. We would've still put your plate on this site though. -- Julie

BETOX ZN / BETOXZN

2008-02-13T22:14:00.002+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Is your pout failing you? Are you always looking at celebrity's full-bodied lips wondering if you could look the same? Sure there are cosmetic options, like drawing your liplines just below your nostrils and just above your chin. And of course Botox is just too expensive. Have you considered BETOX? Simply put, a tiny glass canister is applied to the lip containing a very angry bee. One sting and your pout is out! Of course the bee dies, but it's OK because beauty is worth it. (silver Mazda double cab bakkie) -- Julie

GETNOTD GP / GETNOTDGP

2008-02-13T11:48:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This mean lady should NOT discriminate against contortionists. Just because she can’t fold herself into a pretzel shape, doesn’t mean she has the right to get all jealous and start tuning what what. I can’t believe someone would choose to have something so angry written on their car though? Maybe it’s a reference to MG for declaring their company bankrupt? “WHAT? I can't get spare parts for my car? Oh go and GETNOTD man!” (blue MG) -- Pen

RAB 63 GP / RAB63GP

2008-02-13T11:35:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Oh very fancy! This guy is either the 63^rd rabbit or he is a Rabbi that is 63. I really couldn’t get a good look at him. Maybe his name is Raymond Arthur Bishop and he just got the 63 because of his car? He drives very nicely, so I can’t fault him there. Stayed in the lines, stopped at the amber etc. What a nice chap. (black Mercedes Benz CLK 63) -- Pen

RLR 484 GP / RLR484GP

2008-02-12T16:37:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) For a full 20km, this guy drove behind me, allowing a following distance of a whole ½ a metre. I tried the hazard lights thing which usually makes people back off but oh no, sonny Jim over there insisted on taking the chance of eating a Mini for lunch if I’d slammed on breaks! Oh, I was so tempted, but I had a meeting to get to. It would have been very different had I been on my way back! Watch out mister, I’m onto you! (silver Chrysler Voyager) -- Pen

QT BOY GP / QTBOYGP

2008-02-12T16:36:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) “Hi boys!! I am a QT boy which means I have Queen-like Tantrums when I’m mad, I like spending Quality Time with my Yorkies, I make the absolute BEST Quince tartlets and just to be a bit more masculine than all this, I ride Quad bikes and have no idea what the T means in this one. My Smart car is HOT! Just ask Perez Hilton, he thinks it’s divine dol! (navy blue Smart) --Pen

SANET 7 GP / SANET7GP

2008-02-12T16:32:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Sanet is one of those ladies who loves her name so much that she decided to brand her car with it. This makes it a lot easier for people to shout at her in traffic. We no longer have to say – “STUPID woman”, we say “STUPID Sanet!” but the funniest thing about this personalized plate is that your boyfriend, your husband, your father, your brother – no male can ever drive it, because the name on the back is for a girl. Imagine my surprise when Sanet turned out to be a Samuel! Sucks to be you! (silver BMW) -- Pen

EVA M GP / EVAMGP

2008-02-12T16:21:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I am hoping that EVA M is the name of the beautiful black lady driver of this vehicle…but on second thoughts is it perhaps a tribute to EVA Mendes? I am not sure whether I have ever liked a Hollywood actress enough to put her on my personalized plate and I know my name, so I normally just stick with the government issue ones. I do have a huge crush on Jared Leto, but JARED L would just be silly. (black BMW) -- Pen

MEESY ZN / MEESYZN

2008-02-12T16:04:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) When you overtake me on the left hand side, at pace, Mr black Audi, you are asking for trouble. Besides the fact that the rule is Keep Left, Pass Right, you also have a personalised number plate. And we both know that if you have an accident in that vehicle of yours, it's going to be MEESY, very MEESY. -- Julie

SPEEDY 2 WP / SPEEDY2WP

2008-02-12T15:58:00.000+02:00

(Cape Town, South Africa) Ok, the police really need to get these drug lords behind bars. Now they're running about in little Opel Corsa bakkies, advertising their wares on their personalised plates. SPEEDY 2 is definitely not referring to the velocity of this vehicle, but more like the stash that can be bought from the driver. The city must know this problem is out of control when they see SPEEDY 53 drive past. -- Kayla

MOIN 2 ZN / MOIN2ZN

2008-02-12T15:47:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) So I have no idea what MOIN 2 ZN means but what would be more puzzling if there is a MOIN 1 ZN out there. (black BMW X5) -- Jono

ANGELS 1 GP / ANGELS1GP

2008-02-12T10:02:00.002+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) There were no angels in this car. I looked. And anyway, angels can’t drive in SLK hardtops. Have you seen how big their wings are? It’s totally impractical. They even battle in Hummers. What am I dabating this for anyway, angels don’t need to drive, they can fly. DUH! Stupid, stupid plate. (champagne Mercedes Benz SLK) -- Pen

SA 2010 GP / SA2010GP

2008-02-12T10:02:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This is quite cool. A bit of patriotism never hurt anyone, especially at a time where all you hear is groups of Saffers moaning about the current state of our beloved country. However, what will become of your plate AFTER 2010? It’s like wearing a concert t-shirt5 years later. People know how old it is. Although if it was an ACDC Money Talks tour t-shirt and you were there in 1991, I say “Rock on!!” (white bakkie) -- Pen

HOT 500 GP / HOT500GP

2008-02-12T10:00:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I do agree, the Indy 500 is pretty flippin’ popular and it is hot as well! Indianapolis can get really hot but freaking heck, it’s -13’C there today with light snow. Look I may be missing your point here but if you’re just saying HOT 500 cos you felt like using those digits, that’s a bit doff to me. (silver Mercedes Benz) -- Pen

DODO ZN / DODOZN

2008-02-11T09:39:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) And this driver was living up to their plates! -- Jono

Thanks Jono for getting this pic. You can also check out this link to DODO'S previous entry! -- DriverOne

DICKIE GP / DICKIEGP

2008-02-11T09:14:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Now I know DICK is an affectionate version of Richard but if I had a brother called Richard and if I called him DICK it certainly wouldn't be an attempt to be affectionate. Perhaps the reference to DICKIE refers to a little Richard and that is exactly what this lady in her silver Honda SUV was listening to. David Blaine, eat your heart out. -- Pen

123 NEO GP / 123NEOGP

2008-02-11T09:13:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) The Matrix does exist, and I found NEO! It was like 1,2,3 and he was there. The telephone didn’t even ring, I saw NO guys in black suits and the only pills I’ve taken today were Disprins. It was a little disappointing though, as I imagined NEO to look more like…ag I dunno, um that guy from Speed…um oh yes, Keanu Reeves or maybe even Colin Farrell. And he certainly wouldn’t have been driving that murky/swampy/snotty/yukky green (Is that a colour?) PT Cruiser. -- Pen

PUSICAT GP / PUSICATGP

2008-02-11T09:10:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Now you have to be careful with a plate like this. You’re just setting expectations putting a statement like that out. Automatically guys will assume that the Girls of the Playboy mansion are in town and shout – Hoorah! But in actual fact you seem to have grown out of your plate. It’s like getting that dolphin tattoo when you’re 16 and then it not looking that great anymore when you’re 45 with 3 kids. Methinks JAGUAR may have been more appropriate. (I know – utter brilliance) (old maroon Jaguar) -- Pen

MEANEE GP / MEANEE

2008-02-11T09:06:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) It’s amazing how many Mini driver’s have personalised plates in Johannesburg, it’s almost a given. They’re all competing for the title of best Mini plate. It’s like the Ironman of personalised plates. Although some of them are ok, none actually make me laugh. But then there was MEANEE. This one got a guffaw out of me. Firstly because the driver was Scrooge, secondly because the driver can’t spell and thirdly because a guy tripped on the pavement in front of me – now THAT was funny! (charcoal Mini) -- Pen

MACMINI GP / MACMINIGP

2008-02-08T12:08:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) When this chap ordered his black Mini, he said “I’ll have a MacMini with fries please.” But when it arrived, it was wearing a kilt made from its clan’s tartan, with a bagpipe hooter and knee length socks with tassels. Curiosity got the better of this guy and he asked it – “what kind of a Macker are you?” and the Mini replied – “I’m a Mackatini!” -- Pen

ND 251944 / ND251944

2008-02-07T16:29:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I didn't get the best shot on this one, but if you use your powers of observation, you'll see that the driver of this bus (1077) was acting like a big bully, trying to dominate both lanes. Now, what the driver of this bus doesn't know is that when I was learning to drive, I hit a bus and the bus came off second best. Just watch out buddy! Arrrr! (*insert eye patch, wooden leg and shoulder-dwelling parrot*)

GROVER GP / GROVERGP

2008-02-07T16:09:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Got a taste for life GROVER? You must do. I mean that Spur branding all over your silver Volkswagen Golf 5 just screams of a childhood ambition to run free with Native Americans. The fact that you got roped into adorning your car with company stickers is just a testimony to how far you sold your soul. The ancestors would not be pleased. No rain for you 'um pale face'.

NPN 36428 / NPN36428

2008-02-07T15:56:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Drew Carry of Whose Line is it Anyway fame always announces that the rules are made up and the points don't matter. Seems like you've taken that to heart and applied them to the road. So, as the Drew Carry of the motoring world, your rules of the road are made up and your indicators don't matter anyway. Don't come crying to me if your white Volkswagen Polo ends up a crumpled heap.

PARTHAB ZN / PARTHABZN

2008-02-07T15:48:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Correct! When you want to act in an illegal manner, IT IS best to avoid being spotted. So when you want to speak on your mobile handset while driving, it is a clever thing to roll up the window of your red Toyota Tazz. And those 50% tints really do hide your mischievous little intentions. I know what you'll say though. "Sorry officer, it's part intention but also PART HABitual." Kick the habit PARTHAB (not the nun).

4KING ZN / 4KINGZN

2008-02-07T15:43:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Ooh, your red Colt bakkie is 4KING fantastic man! I specially like the rather large headlights that you have on your roof that are no doubt used to stun prairie animals during mating season with their brightness. And speaking of brightness, you personalised plate is so 4KING clever. Please note that I don't believe my previous statement, I just don't want to get mowed down by some 4KING madman next time I'm out in the wild lands (which is no doubt, wherever you are)

FROGGIE ZN / FROGGIEZN

2008-02-07T15:33:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Ribbitt! Have you gone over to the dark side oh little French delicacy? Last I checked, the point of the game, Frogger, was to guide frogs across the busy road. Not get into your red Honda Jazz and then try ram them down. Or is it that as the FROGGIE, you are expecting to receive a batch of frogs from the Frogger? It's a very complicated relationship, isn't it?

YILAN ZN / YILANZN

2008-02-07T15:22:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I drove past this person in their silver Mercedes Benz, and my first thought was to call The Scorpions. Holy crap, I've found The Villian! But I was mistaken. Instead, it was just YILAN who was just chillin' in traffic. Sorry YILAN, but if you want people to stop misunderstanding you, two things needs to be done. One, change your personalised plate. And two, stop driving around with a ski mask on. It's really off-putting.

SAI ZN / SAI ZN

2008-02-07T15:11:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Some people practice and some people do. This guy is a doer, unlike SAI SIM who's just fart-arsing around behind a PC. Of course, it's the fact that this person knows how to wield their SAI that made me say something nice. I don't feel like being perforated right this instant thank you! (silver Mercedes Benz)

FKZ 802 GP / FKZ802GP

2008-02-07T14:30:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Buddy the last time I checked, you were driving a tank (green Chrysler Voyager). Do you have any idea how LONG that car is? They don’t call them long wheelbases for nothing. With this in mind, why on earth did you think that MY following distance was for your bus sized car? No, it wasn’t. It was there so that I didn’t klap the oke in front on me in the stop/start rush hour traffic. Sheesh… -- Pen

MERCURY GP / MERCURYGP

2008-02-07T14:28:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I’m so proud, I got this straight away. I actually wrote home about it! Merc…Mercury! Get it? I know, it’s amazing! And you know what else is amazing, I don’t think there is another car with a name like a planet. You do however get Venus and Lexus, but that’s not quite right. How about we shift the theme totally and talk FISSAN on a Nissan or maybe even WARD on a Ford. I mean the possibilities are endless. But you settled on Mercury. (silver Mercedes Benz) -- Pen

B NVUS GP / BNVUSGP

2008-02-07T14:27:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Well flip China, NOW I am NVUS! Not only do you have a silver Volkswagen Golf which is of course VERY rare in South Africa but you’re also really bright. I mean, how did you work that out with the letters and everything? It’s amazing! Ok, I’ll try one – Y DNT U GO BAK 2 SKOOL? -- Pen

MINI 17 GP / MINI17GP

2008-02-07T14:26:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Oh dear, it’s one of these again. WHERE ARE THE OTHER 16? Come on, own up? I know they’re small but you can’t hide ‘em forever!! You got 16 poor Mini’s bound and gagged in your basement, don’t you? All they’re living off is their fancy spoilers, scoops and other random (and very pricy) accessories. The car police are going to discover them in 2 weeks time all disfigured and starving with missing mirrors and broken windows. You’re just a sick man. (charcoal Mini) -- Pen

MINI Z GP / MINIZGP

2008-02-07T14:24:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) It this person’s name Zuraida and is she very short? Or is she referring to the two MINI Z she sees after one too many cocktails? MINI S was taken, hey? Well I think your red Mini is cute but that personalised plate could have been way more exciting missy! -- Pen

A T GATES ZN / ATGATESZN

2008-02-07T11:42:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) A T GATES? Automatic gates? Or a distant relative of that most esteemed founder of buggy software, Bill Gates? Perhaps you're just outside my house, and instead of hooting, you declare proudly on your personalised plate that you are AT GATES? Well I'm not opening up. -- Jono

JULZ M ZN / JULZMZN

2008-02-07T10:13:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Not sure why all these armed bandits are hitting the cash in transit vehicles when right here, in a metallic blue Mercedes Benz, we have a car that contains JULZ! It doesn't look like it has bulletproof glass, or indestructible side-panelling. No, just a simple nail would burst a tyre and bring this car to a stop. And by that I mean the driver could break a nail and then have to stop in an emergency fashion to sort out the repairs. -- Julie

SEXY S ZN / SEXYSZN

2008-02-06T20:53:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Yes, this is an old joke. No, that fact isn't going to stop me from adapting it to this personalised plate. SEXY S car, I like your colour red. Red ones goes faster and boy does your car go. But a SEXY S car go? Well, I don't care much for sexy snails. (if you're struggling with this one, just say 's car go' out loud) -- Julie

ZIP ZN / ZIPZN

2008-02-06T16:14:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Well, your silver BMW X5 is big, grand and shiny. But do you know what it means in my life? ZIP. In fact, ask anyone what they think of your car, and I'm sure the answer would be ZIP. -- Julie

PMS ZN / PMSZN

2008-02-06T16:08:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Egads Pinky! They're multiplying! And the frightening thing is that their cars are getting bigger! Could you imagine this woman in a rage? Unless of course your initials are PMS in which I can only suggest marriage to someone who's surname doesn't start with an 'S'. -- Julie

DRB777 ZN / DRB777ZN

2008-02-06T15:51:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) What up? Is this DR B? Or is this short for DuRBan? And the 777? Well, maybe you're Durban's man of God? Then again, judging by the the big black impressive Mercedes Benz, could just be a good gambler. -- Jono

DR MAX GP / DRMAXGP

2008-02-06T15:44:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I hope this guy is an actual doctor because he doesn’t look like one and false advertising is not cool. Well, our very own Jozi DR MAX drives his COLT bakkie shamelessly around town in search of MRS MAX. Once he finds her, they will live to the MAX, terrorizing the neighbourhood with their stethoscopes and blood pressure testing kits. I hope I NEVER see him again. I prefer my doctors to drive sensible white Mercedes’ and have names like Goldblum and Finestone. (Do you think this guy and MAXI 2 are friends?) -- Pen

MAXI 2 GP / MAXI2GP

2008-02-06T15:42:00.003+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I’m tough, I’m manly in my awesome metallic blue Wrangler and I’m cruising up Bryanston Drive. All the chicks dig me and I know why…it’s because I’m totally hot. In fact I’m so hot I’m gonna get MAXI as my personalised plate cause I rock it to the MAX yo! Oh dam, no MAXI…ok I’ll give MAXI 1 a go…ooh, don’t have that either. Ok let’s go with MAXI 2 GP – Pity they don’t have LILET or TAMPAX… that would really ROCK! (navy blue Jeep Wrangler) -- Pen

1 TIME GP / 1TIMEGP

2008-02-06T15:29:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) “I drive a black BMW 1 series and I LOVE to fly with 1Time. In fact I always dreamt of being an air hostess, serving coffee, getting the special seat that faces the passengers. But then one day I realised that wasn’t my real dream. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty Scots pine. The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best girlie by my side...We'd sing...sing...sing!! -- Pen

ADIOS GP / ADIOSGP

2008-02-06T15:28:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) So meester, are you Spanish? You in your racy Audi TT and bucket loads of Vorsprung Durch Technik under your hood. So as a direct translation, Adios (when not spoken with that oh so undesirable Spanish lisp) if directly translated means – to God, or Go with God. So thank you, that’s really sweet of you. Although if you were just trying to be wind-gat about the 147 kW and 280 Nm of torque you have under your right foot… then in the words of Michael Naiker, I say “Wanna race ek se…” -- Pen

002 OIL GP / 002OILGP

2008-02-06T15:20:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I cannot believe it! I found the personalized plate that forced 003 OIL GP into third spot. Now my life’s mission is to find 001 OIL GP. Ooh, now I know why those trainspotters get such a thrill. This adrenalin and crazy fixation that I have in incredible. I just want to hit the road right now and drive until I find 001. That’s it, I’m calling in sick tomorrow – watch this space! (black Volkswagen Toureg) -- Pen

KN 2010 ZN / KN2010ZN

2008-02-05T16:43:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) So you reckon you're going to be king in 2010? Well, unless you've got another 153 Mercedes Benzs for all your future wives, I doubt you have the oomph. Plus then there'll be the assassination attempts all monarchs encounter. Are you ready for that? Don't you think it might just be better to change your plate to JESTER ZN and be content with getting rotten tomatoes thrown at you?

KIDS TLK ZN / KIDSTLKZN

2008-02-05T16:37:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) If KIDS could TLK, they'd definitely want a car with a little bit more spunk than your champagne Mercedes Benz. I'm guessing they'd go for something like a minivan, with the rear seats removed and filled with brightly coloured balls. Perhaps there would be an ice cream machine in it as well. You may have all these balls in your boot, but I think it's quite evil to keep the kids there as well. Just noticed now that with a different spacing, it could be KID STLK, which really is quite sick. Why are you hunting down the little people? Pick on someone a little more challenging, like Britney.

ND ONE ZN / NDONEZN

2008-02-05T16:29:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Historically, mayors in the beloved cities of South Africa were awarded the number one plate for their city. ND 1 would therefore belong to the mayor of Durban. Of course, if you've got no interest in politics but too much money, what do you do? Well, you purchase for yourself a kind of faux-mayorship. ND ONE ZN, a champagne Mercedes Benz, will next be demanding the keys to the city, a thick gold chain and all the bananas a troupe of monkeys could eat in a decade. Stock up on tropical fruits now!

ANROSH ZN / ANROSHZN

2008-02-05T16:27:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) ANROSH? No, I had my injections, so I should be fine. If you haven't, I'd avoid this copper Nissan Murano. I'm pretty sure they're carrying a highly toxic load of chemicals that'll cause crotch itch like you've never before thought possible.

UCL 007 ZN / UCL007ZN

2008-02-05T16:22:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) The most famous movie spy is coming to a white bakkie near you. More Bean than Bond I fear. Next time I see 007, I'd like to see either Austin Powers or an Aston Martin.

SAI SIM ZN / SAISIMZN

2008-02-05T16:07:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I didn't see the driver of this vehicle, but something in me gets the feeling that this person is of oriental origin. It could be the silver Toyota 4x4 (you know, being a Japanese marque), but I think I'm leaning more to the words on the personalised plate. It reminds me of a Raphael, the red bandanna wearing mutant ninja turtle (who after all these years is still a teenager). He carries around two Sai and I imagine they must be quite difficult to wield. What better way to practice than to purchase Microsoft SAI SIM and get practising in front of your PC screen?

REZA ZN / REZAZN

2008-02-05T15:38:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I did a quick Google search on REZA and somehow, through a series of links, ended up reading about atheism, Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris. In conclusion, seeing your blue Ford Focus ST and your personalised number plate has led me to doubt my abilities as a Jedi Knight. I must repent.

PARABAT ZN / PARABATZN

2008-02-05T15:30:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) A paralegal is an assistant to a lawyer. They assist the lawyer in doing what they do, but are not real lawyers. Following this twisted piece of logic, am I to assume that you are an assistant to bats, but are not a real bat yourself? Do you collect bat guano and then head out to the hills to spread it all around? Perhaps you manufacture bat pheromones to help socially disadvantaged bats meet like-minded bats? It must be. Why else would you own a silver Mitsubishi SUV if not to take it into the country and help the bats.

SO DVYN ZN / SODVYNZN

2008-02-05T15:17:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Some words and phrases shouldn't be found cavorting with each other. Sardines and condensed milk would be one. Lumberjack and high heels would be another. Disturbing would be to find divine and double cab together. Divine is the type of word that belongs with diva and cheesecake. Double cab goes more with farmer, outdoors and rough. To call your silver Isuzu double cab SO DVYN is like referring to Mugabe as lovely or Eskom as competent. It's just wrong. -- Julie

1 ST GP / 1STGP

2008-02-05T15:10:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This woman has been lied to her whole life. If she thinks her Jaguar weighs 1 Stone, I am not sure how we can fix it. What else could it be though? 1 Street? 1STerri Stumpie? 1Stereo? I think that maybe it could be her goal weight…but that would be horrible. Maybe it’s the weight of the gold earrings I saw flapping around? I dunno, any takers? (black Jaguar) -- Pen

OLDFART WP / OLDFARTWP

2008-02-05T15:07:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This is definitely one of the funnier plates I have seen. I like the humour in this but still, why would you want to go around advertising this for the world to see. Women hate growing old and they hate it when men fart. So why would you EVER refer to yourself as an OLDFART. Oh wait a minute, I’ve got it!!! Ha ha ha…her hubby gave it to her for her birthday one year and I bet he’s still eating her previous number plate! (gold Renault Scenic) -- Pen

UNITY GP / UNITYGP

2008-02-05T15:04:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This is so ambiguous. It’s had me thinking all morning…It could be the Ebony and Ivory thing? It could be the British Roller Blading magazine? It could be a place in the United States? It could be a community radio station in South-Hampton or perhaps it’s a PLC Configuration Software from Schneider Electric. Why couldn’t this guy just be more specific next time. (white Volkswagen Golf) -- Pen

CRUNCH GP / CRUNCHGP

2008-02-05T15:01:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Well check it out YO, it’s no mystery how they put the CRUNCH in the Kelloggs Rice Crispie. Ok really, so the CRUNCH of the matter is that this personalized plate is meaningless, just like some of its cousins on this blog. Maybe it’s owner is the new Springbok captain and he’s planning to change the scrum rules to – CRUNCH, touch, pause engage… and all the players have to bite into a CRUNCHie on his go. I dunno man, that plate is just so feeble. (white Mercedes Benz) -- Pen

2KNYSNA GP / 2KNYSNAGP

2008-02-05T15:00:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This person is only in Jozi for the money man! This 4x4 is begrudgingly driven everyday and dreams of the Knysna heads and the lagoon are floating around it throughout. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is actual Knysna beach sand in the foot-wells and the paint job was matched exactly with the Knysna water. Shame man, when this car drives it’s owner to the office, it whimpers – 2KNYSNA, 2KNYSNA!!! -- Pen

HOLA54 GP / HOLA54GP

2008-02-05T14:48:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Afrca) Hola babawami! I’m 54 and I drive a black BMW and I hit my mid-life crisis a little later on as I’m actually not sure what HOLA means but my kids say it’s rocking and it would be sweet for me to use it on my personalized plate. So Hola to all you peeps out there! (did I do it right?) -- Pen

E11EVEN ZN / E11EVENZN

2008-02-04T16:47:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) This guy is l33t! He's got a silver BMW and he's l34rn1ng r34l g33k sp34k!!1! Personalised plates FTW! But what does it mean? Here's hoping it's not a sequel to Se7en... I still can't eat spaghetti and meatballs.

PAR 3 ZN / PAR3ZN

2008-02-04T16:37:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) A PAR 3, if I'm not mistaken (and I know I'm not but I felt that I should use that cliché anyway), is synonymous with golf. And a Golf, in terms of the motoring world, is equally synonymous with Volkswagen. Then what is this personalised plate doing on a black Hyundai Getz? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

ND 613360 / ND613360

2008-02-04T16:16:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Here is my advice to you. Now, I understand it just comes from me, an anonymous blogger, but I believe I can save you some anxiety, cash and pain. When you're driving around in your white Nissan Almera, don't drive speaking on your cellphone. As much as you think the person giving you directions on the other side is trying to help you, they're not. They're actually doing their damnedest to get your little piece of Japanese engineering T-boned. When they say, "Turn left now Harold!", they're not always aware that you're actually in the lane going straight. Luckily for you, I'm courteous (and modest). But be warned, I'm busy fitting a bull-bar to every car I own...

SWM ZN / SWMZN

2008-02-04T16:04:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Hello ladies. Should you be in the market for a man and one who has a sense of style, could I propose that you look up this guy in his white Audi TT? His personalised plate refers to him as a Single White Male. There were no numbers following so I can't tell you his age and I'm pretty sure he likes to wear a white suit with shoulder pads. So besides dating a Boys II Men lookalike, what else could be wrong?

RKA ZN / RKAZN

2008-02-04T15:45:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Come on china, that's no way to go and spell ARK. The 'R' is a little out and the 'A' has definitely lost the plot. I also know that a gun metal grey Mercedes Benz is a pretty fancy car. Flipping fancy in fact. They've got style, space and that cool little target thing on the end to mow people down with. But come on, it's not really big enough to get all the animals in it, let alone two of each. It's not even big enough to fit four Fat Cats.

DORIS ZN / DORISZN

2008-02-04T15:40:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) DORIS, is a white Toyota Avensis. Now, I'm pretty sure that DORIS isn't the name of the driver, but rather what the driver has named her nondescript Toyota. Had the driver's (or is that driverette) name been DORIS, I'm sure the vehicle would probably have been something like a Morris Minor. No, I think the driver's name is something like Mathilda. Or Phoebe. Or possibly Gertrude.

CILLA P ZN / CILLA P ZN

2008-02-04T15:26:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I drive a silver Toyota RAV4 and I like to talk to myself. You could guess that I'm quite an expert at the soliloquy. CILLA P, queen of the soliloquy. I know, I'm being quite a silly pea. Even Shakespeare would baulk at the idea of a personalised plate. Specially because his name is just too long.

BNB 846 GP / BNB846GP

2008-02-04T11:51:00.001+02:00

(Boksburg, Johannesburg, South Africa) Mr Bean comes to Boksburg! (Mini) -- Cheap Thrills (www.batchfoo.blogspot.com) (www.batchfoobadmommy.blogspot.com)

PRESH ZN / PRESHZN

2008-02-04T11:47:00.000+02:00

(Edenglen, Johannesburg, South Africa) No, 'Presh' is not short for 'Precious'. So do not expect to see Gollum behind the steering wheel, muttering 'My Preciousssss'. Nor is Presh the nickname of a black lady. Presh is obviously short for "Preshnie" or some other such name. Presh is an Indian lady, with the most hardcore perm this side of Benoni. And more gold than....a rap star... (Toyota Corolla 160i) -- Cheap Thrills (www.batchfoo.blogspot.com) (www.batchfoobadmommy.blogspot.com)

GOGIRL 1 GP / GOGIRL1GP

2008-02-04T11:41:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) You buy a Jeep right and you decide to get a cool personalised number plate because as this blog duly points out – they really are like hens teeth! So your mind boggles, you ask your friends and family and one day, you settle on GO GIRL 1! Not number 2, you’re number 1. But alas, you forget to Google this before placing your order and now everywhere you go, you have the name of a sexual enhancement cream for women – written on your number plate. HOORAY, you Go Girl! (champagne Jeep) -- Pen

828 ROM GP / 828ROMGP

2008-02-04T11:38:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This number plate officially means nothing. I have tried to think of something funny for the better part of an hour now and I can’t even think of a meaning. So there’s ROME and CD ROM and ROMany Cream and ROMance. Oh and ROMannie Millicent… ok I made that one up. But what really bothers me is the 828 part? It’s not funny upside down is it? OK I’ve got it. It’s the number of semi-clad men they used to film the 300. 828 ROMans. And you thought there were only 300. (*scoff) -- Pen

SAND GP / SANDGP

2008-02-04T11:36:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) I am not sure what school you went to buddy but seriously, black looks NOTHING like sand. What on earth made you decide upon SAND GP? Ooh, ooh, EARTH/SAND, ok it’s starting to fit now. Oh, ok wait, are we talking beach sand here or just any random garden sand, cause that makes a HUGE difference. We got tons of garden sand in JHB. Oh I can’t anymore. (black BMW) -- Pen

HUMAN GP / HUMANGP

2008-02-04T11:33:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) This guy woke up the other morning with no recollection of the previous night. His shoes were covered in pink confetti, jeans were torn, he had a shaved head and tell tale handcuff chafe on his wrists. He looked in the mirror and to his horror, he was looking back at a green figure with slanty black eyes. Luckily when he went to his garage, his car said “HUMAN” and he changed straight back. (black Mercedes Benz) -- Pen

BYTES GP / BYTESGP

2008-02-04T11:30:00.001+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Firstly you turned in a non turning lane from Cambridge into Witkoppen (if you look carefully you will note that there is only one arrow painted in the road and it points straight) and then when the two lanes became one, you raced ahead as far as you could so that you could get in front! Now I know you think you’re hot with your pocket protector and wicked cool Star Wars figurines on top of your microwave but that type of behavior in traffic BYTES man. It really does. (black Audi) -- Pen

HOT ICE ZN / HOTICEZN

2008-02-01T17:16:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) A true contradiction in terms. HOT ICE. It's cold, but it burns. Now that's the kind of underwear you don't want to buy! Specially if you're a big guy called Tiny. Then again, was buying this black Smart car indeed a clever choice?

H R K 1 ZN / HRK1ZN

2008-02-01T16:44:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) What's the sound someone makes when coughing up a hairball? HuRK. HuRK. Can you picture it? The chin is brought up to the chest as this guy prepares to dislodge the offending intruder. Next, with a violent spasm, the neck extends to full stretch, chin pointing to the sky. HuRK! (silver Mitsubishi bakkie)

MJW 1 ZN / MJW1ZN

2008-02-01T12:27:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) MJW 1? Ok, Michael Jackson Wears 1 what? He wears one glove of course. Oh, and one face mask. And one dashing hat. And a fake little nose. But why are you asking this question on your personalised plate? Do you want to see his monkey? Are you hoping that he'd see your white Lexus and then would invite you to be his personal wardrobe assistant? I'm sure you'd definitely get to see his monkey that way.

USHEEL ZN / USHEELZN

2008-02-01T12:08:00.001+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) What's up USHEEL? Your Toyota Yaris is teal. How does that feel? That can't be real? Makes you look like a smelly eel. Or a lightly spray-painted seal. Let me say it again, your car is teal. I know it seems like I'm making a meal out of something that should be no big deal. But still, your car is teal.

NUR 47020 / NUR47020

2008-02-01T11:55:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) I've seen a marked increase in horrible driving lately. And I don't mean ignorant or obtuse driving, I'm referring to mean-spirited road actions. For example, not seeing someone and pulling in front of them is one thing. But seeing a person indicate to change lanes and then actually acclerating to block them from getting in front of you, well that's meaner than Lindsay Lohan. You and your black Dodge Caliber are not fun!

GANESH 4 ZN / GANESH4ZN

2008-02-01T11:50:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Well, well, well, you'll never guess who I just saw in traffic. GANESH 4! That's right, she ventured out on her own in her black BMW, even though she was totally eclipsed by GANESH 1 - 3. Talk about the comeback kid. Next stop, Mike Tyson! Or Evander Holyfield! And maybe a little Lean, Mean, Grilling Machine on the side.

SYN 1 ZN / SYN1ZN

2008-01-31T15:10:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) So what is your SYN (sic) of choice? Driving a silver Subaru Forester in town and never touching gravel roads? Spelling and grammar? Changing the price tags on clothing and then purchasing the items cheaper? Spitting from high places? Weeing in pools? Come on, spill the beans you heathen!

NTN 1992 ZN / NTN1992ZN

2008-01-31T14:57:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Riddles. We love riddles. Why do you drive a silver Jag? We don't know. But why do you have this coded personalised plate? Well, that is easier to guess. Your initials and the year you got your license? The codename of a pool chemical you created and the number of people who actually bought it? Perhaps you're declaring that you're Not Turning Ninety but you will in 1992 days time. Which is really a bit of a bugger when you have to change your plate everyday. The last option makes the least sense, so I'm pretty sure it's the one you went for.

ND 540900 / ND540900

2008-01-31T14:46:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Ah yes, run that red light you silver Mercedes Benz driving scallywag! But I'm not too stressed out by your driving antics because I know that there is a camera on that intersection. So, when you get your R500 fine, think of me. I stopped at the light, drove off at a normal speed, caught up to you in an ordered manner and then took this photo. Oh, the pain...

DENAE GP / DENAEGP

2008-01-31T10:32:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) “’Ay bru, just listen here for a second. If you get pulled over by the blue shirts, you tell ‘em NOTHING about this car ‘ay. They ask you what colour it is you say you don’t know, they ask you when you bought it, you say you don’t know, they ask you if it’s a Volvo, you say no. They ask you the time, you say no! DENAE Everything!” (silver Volvo) -- Pen

WOOD GP / WOODGP

2008-01-31T09:41:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) WOOD GP – so you FINALLY have enough money for a beautiful silver Porsche Boxter. It gleams with pride in your driveway and people turn green wherever you go. The yellow sun shines on you and the azure sky reflects on your bonnet. You pick up your date who is wearing a red dress and you flash her your golden smile. So tell me people…WHERE DOES WOOD FIT INTO THIS EQUATION?? -- Pen

JASMINE GP / JASMINEGP

2008-01-31T09:37:00.000+02:00

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Ok that is a really pretty name. I did however look for a magic carpet and a little guy dressed in poofy pants and no shirt… Aladdin…get it? Oh well…I just had to get a pic of this (guess, guess…) black marques in the McDonald’s parking lot. Maybe the genie gave Jasmine some McMoney for a McChicken burger? And if I was her, I would’ve used the other two wishes on 1 x McSteamy and 1 x McDreamy. They’re WAY hotter than a half dressed cartoon character. -- Pen

TIMOL 1 ZN / TIMOL1ZN

2008-01-31T09:30:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) Timmy from South Park has a younger cousin. TIMOL! And he drives his little white bakkie like a maniac. Just today, obviously in the throes of running out of petrol, I saw him floor it, turning in front of a 80-seater bus just in time to get to the petrol station. It's clear to me now that running out of fuel is more dangerous that being T-boned by a bus with enough force to fossilise you instantly! We could be saying, 'Forget Kenny, who killed TIMOL?' The answer would probably be, 'His own stupid ass!'

MAYONI 1 ZN / MAYONI1ZN

2008-01-31T09:11:00.000+02:00

(Durban, South Africa) What is MAYONI? The city mayor covered in mayonnaise? The gentle art of origami using only sheets of paper from a calendar? Or is it the smug guffaw of a man driving a white Volkswagen Touran?